Sunday 10 August 2014

The Paralysis of Fear

I found myself in an uncomfortable position today.  

A couple came into my workplace.  The young man was Caucasian, the young woman, Asian.  Her demeanour was stereotypical: quiet and submissive, soft-spoken when she spoke at all.  He impressed me as the kind of guy who lives in his parents' basement until an embarrassingly advanced age; the type who has no real power of his own; the sort of dweeb who, if a member of a Christian denomination, gets into missionary work because he subconsciously craves a power and authority that he has not earned.  

I paid them little mind as they browsed, but, when they came to my service area, I couldn't help but notice the way he spoke to her.  It's the way one speaks to children when they have expressed a desire for something expensive and trendy.  

Are you sure that's what you want?  
Are you absolutely positive?

Except his tone seemed less inclined to provoke consideration of choices than to convey the message that she was incapable of making decisions on her own.  If anyone ever spoke to a daughter of mine that way, I would have to fight the impulse to knock his teeth down his throat.  And I would kick the crap out of any of my sons who dared to treat a woman that way.

I was starting to see red, but I felt impotent.  I really wanted to say something as I witnessed this infantilizing behaviour disguised as support.  I really did.  But what?

Why do you let him talk to you that way?
She's an adult, not a child.
Stop belittling her.
Darling, you're allowed to have a voice.  

In the end, to my shame, I remained silent on the subject.  I did my best to address my remarks to her, since she was the one driving the sale and would doubtless be the one using the purchases. More than that, I felt uncomfortable about doing.  

Something about their interaction, in retrospect, is giving me the willies.  I hope she finds the strength to ensure that the relationship becomes more equitable.  I hope that he can accept her growth.  And I hope that she has the courage to do whatever is best for herself, if worst comes to worst.